Deadly Submarine

The sadness of life and death

2006-09-04T22:38:00.000Z

This has been a bittersweet week with more bitter than sweet.
While personally I have experienced pleasure through the success of my beloved team and have continued to enjoy my life going drinking and playing football, I have to pause for a while to think about two men who have tragically passed away.
One I didn't know well, one I didn't know at all, but both brought me joy and were unique characters.
The first is Paul Rice. I know my publicity for this blofg is rubbish and few people read it but this will be waiting in the archive for those visitors who will care about it.
Paul has long been the voice of Tranmere Rovers. A caring man who was once in hospital radio as I understand it, he became the official match commentator for Rovers' own matchday videos, the tapes which are sent to news agencies, other clubs and are sold in the club shop.
He became a cult figure nationally when ITV made their ill-fated stab at turning the Football League into a major digital TV draw.
Gabby Yorath (as she was) and her team of sycophantic panting ex-footballers picked up on the commentary on the tapes they received from Prenton Park. Paul was never one for airs and graces and his passion for the club made his commentary more than slightly partisan and his eloquence and accidental swearing resulted in the most entertaining commentary I have ever heard.
He died on August 27 and will be sadly missed by his family, friends and supporters of Tranmere Rovers.
The other death is more high profile. Steve Irwin, the Crocodile Hunter. I am no environmental expert but I love wild animals and Steve Irwin has for many years given me infotainment giving me a perspective on animals I never previously had.
His infectious enthusiasm and skill in handling animals in their natural habitat was inspiring and taught me that some of the world's fiercest creatures should be respected but not feared and that sometimes it is your fear that encourages them to strike.
Little of this information is useful to me in Birkenhead but I always harboured an ambition to go to the Australia Zoo and see him giving one of his feeding-time talks. I wanted to speak with him to learn what makes him tick.
Sadly I will never be able to do that as he died on Monday, September 4.
Ironically he was killed, according to reports, by a stingray barb. There is uncertainty as to whether it was an attack or an accident as far as I can make out but what is certain is it killed him bcause it pierced his heart. A few centimetres either way and he would have survived another encounter.
It is a great loss to Australia Zoo, Australia as a nation, wildlife TV (Which is now left with idiots like Nigel Marvin or the always brilliant but ageing David Attenborough), and, if I may be so bold, the worlds, which has lost a great character and the one man I think would be able to make most of the world sit up and take notice of the protection of our wildlife species.
Of course the loss will be felt most by zoo staff and his family Terri, Bindi and Bob. Though you may never read this my thoughts are with you and I hope you can recover to keep Steve's wonderful enthusiastic legacy alive and continue to present conservation in a way that makes people truly care about it the way millions of us cared about Steve.

SUUUUUWYYYYYYARRRRRRWAAAYYYYY!!!!!

2006-08-22T21:47:00.000Z

I'm still not sure any Tranmere fans have found their way here yet but I went to my first home game of the season on Saturday where we beat Yeovil 2-1.
I can't complain because our goals were well-worked and came from midfield, something I am not accustomed to after last season.
However, I was concerned that I got a crick in my neck from watching what sometimes looked like an enormous game of tennis. Ronnie Moore is getting the team to gel quickly and says he wants to use the wings and play attractive football like his mentor and football legend Johnny King.
I am not sure whether this is him or the players but they seem to have confused attack and penetration with long ball hoofing - something Oldham fans warned us about Ronnie's style of play.
Having said that we have two wins, a draw and just one loss this season and it is early days so I can't pick too much. After all, Brian Little really was shit, favouring defending draws and playing crap Conference-level players like Jennings and Harrison.

An Apology.....

2006-08-22T21:39:00.000Z

This is for my people (all two of you)
I am sorry I have been away for so long but I don't know whether I'm coming or going recently. Between travelling to London, attending two weddings, changing jobs while being used by my company to fight fires all over the place, I have let the blog slide.
I have also had little to complain about, although this doesn't explain the week-long bout of depression I have suffered to date.
Now I can bitch though. I have not only managed to pick up a grade one Medial Cruciate Ligament sprain but lucky me I got mine in a two-for-one deal. Walking is a chore but I'm still playing football despite the advice I should rest for as fortnight. I have to play because I am about to become an uncle (hopefully tonight!) so the father of my forthcoming nephew or niece is currently on paternity leave from the Beautiful Game. If I don't play we will be too short of numbers.
Needless to say my injury has made me inconsistent, scoring in one game only to miss a bagful of open goals in the next, but I still have eight goals in four games to my credit.

Catch up....

2006-07-17T22:08:00.000Z

I've not posted for a while so a quick round-up of my thoughts (Parental advisory - not suitable for children under 12:
A) Zinedine Zidane was a disgrace for his sending off but I would have done the same and to be honest, the second phase of the World Cup was shite and Zidane's headbutt made the final a classic, if a tragic one.

B) Humidity is a bitch. It has had a major effect on my football team - the less fit of the two who play each other every Monday. It is partially our own fault because of said fitness but I intend to remedy this in the next fortnight.

C) Ronnie Moore has his work cut out at Tranmere because despite his nine signings he has strikers who still look too rusty, Steven Jennings who may be the worst player ever to wear the jersey, and a second 11 who allowed themselves to be beaten by an impressive-looking Vauxhall Motors.

D) I am not really into Big Brother but there is a bird on there at the moment called Jane who, if I was locked up with her , I would gut and drain her blood in the diary room to ensure she was dead. She is the type of woman who typifies the failures of Britain's education system.

anyway, I hope to soon boost my visitors significantly but for now, to the one or two who read this, buenos noches.

The Big Fight...Live

2006-07-08T22:31:00.000Z

So tonight, after all the bluster, Danny Williams, who proved last time that you can't cheat and win a boxing match, let Skelton walk the rematch. Skelton didn't cheat this time but while he maintained his weight, the usually immobile Williams came in two stone HEAVIER than usual. He was never going to get the one-punch victory he was after and the tactic was a folly.
Oh and Amir Khan won his eighth fight with his sixth knockout. Not unexpected. Thankfully he looks like he has listened to his trainer and is taking care of business rather than doing a Prince Naseem and setting the world alight for a brief period before becoming too showboatey and turning into a bloated has-been. That was a shame because I enjoyed watching Hamed.

The new season is almost upon us....

2006-07-06T23:16:00.000Z

One day to go until Tranmere begin their preseason programm away at Heswall. Forget what has become a turgid World Cup (although I hope Ronaldo is suffering, being beaten in the semis and having his escape plan ruined by the Real Madrid elections!!) this is what it is all about. Ronnie Moore's men turning out and taking us to glory.
I predict, although I'm not too good at this, that we will finish in the top two. Bear in mind this is before I have seen the team play and I reserve the right to change my mind with no acknowledgement that I was ever wrong.
I am as optimistic as when Little first came, in the days when we all thought he was taking us in the right direction before he sold the family silver (Taylor) and replaced it with expensive base metals (Summerbee, Raven, that shit keeper from Wolves who doesn't deserve to have his name remembered) Because we will have paid them all a pretty penny in wage contributions to come here.
Now we enter a new and hopefully long successful era. Remember to get as many people to Vauxhalls next Friday as possible because Rivacre is a nice ground and it's only right that we should support a fellow local club.

The season is coming....

2006-07-06T23:15:00.000Z

Pain game

2006-07-03T22:06:00.000Z

Beckham played for five minutes with a torn achilles, he even sprinted around - it puts my rather uncomfortable injury into perspective.
I remembered his performancve when I decided to stop umming and aahing and decided to swallow it and play tonight.
I'm glad I did. Despite the pain and the hindrance to my running I performed well in goal keeping a clean sheet and when I did finally come out I maintained my goalscoring record, not with a clasic goal, but every one counts. That's 10 in 10 and I am now hoping I can encourage the heel to heal so I can give a good performance next week and do myself justice.

Moral Question of the Week - Water Shortages

2006-07-02T20:16:00.000Z

I'm not an environmentalist or a green campaigner. In fact I love my car and all the great things industrialisation gives us. But I do have a thought.
Water shortages and hosepipe bans are becoming more widespread each summer. Most people who can be bothered to speak about it blame 'Global Warming' the big bad monster of the environmental campaign.
No-one has considered my theory however - bottled water. Water, like all things bulk purchased by supermarkets, is stored in vast quantities in warehouses. There are hundreds of companies bottling billions of gallons of water each year some of which will sit in warehouses for six months before it is drunk and passed back into the system.
At school many moons ago I learned that water was a cyclic thing, ie it rains to fill the rivers and lakes, it evaporates into the sky to become clouds and rains down again. What we drink is eventually passed - we all know how - back into said cyclic system.
Now however we are taking an enormous quantity of water out of that system for months. That must be having an effect. If anyone finds this blog and wants to add their views or expertise please feel free.

Blood on the gym floor

2006-07-02T18:13:00.000Z

OWW!
Sometimes I am too clumsy. In the gym on my quest to lose the excess weight I piled on once I got a car and stopped playing Sunday League, I get into the pool today to do a few lengths.
Everyone else can do this without much trouble, I however have to catch my heel on a ridge on the wall of the pool, ripping a sizeable chunk out of my foot in the process.
As it wasn't bleeding I proceeded with my exercise but the second I got out the blood began to flow and I was followed into the changeys by a trail of red, in a sort of macabre Hammer Horror-style Hansel and Gretel manner.
I'll strap it up and still play footie tomorrow though. For the first time in eight years I have found a vein of scoring form and I ain't interrupting that for nothin'!
PS In case anyone was confused yesterday, my rant was not through some love for Manchester United or Wayne Rooney, I can't stand either of them. My point was solely that there are certain ways of behaving. Almost everything I know about right and wrong I learned from football (apart form the stuff I still get wrong) and all I ever want is to see players behave correctly, like McAteer in the playoffs when he wanted to come back on despite his head injury and ended up in tears. That is what football should be like, not shafting your team-mates, regardless of which scum you play for.

Lampard's Taxis

2006-07-01T21:28:00.000Z

So England are out of the World Cup. Rooney was sent off after being fouled four times in succession because he gently pushed his club team-mate Ronaldo who was trying to get him booked.
No team is reliant on one man but one man's failings can drag down a team and that man has been Fat Frank Lampard.
Fat Frank, the London cabbie who believes he is England's greatest ever player, was the major weak link that ultimately led to England's demise.
His insistence throughout the tournament to shoot on sight, knowing he was off the ball and wouldn't score, led to good England attacks breaking down and opportunities to score going begging.
His reluctance to pass, even to club team-mate Joe Cole, was why England's 442 didn't work and flooding the midfield to compensate failed spectacularly.
Peter Crouch received criticism from all corners but ultimately only he, Joe Cole , David Beckham and Steven Gerrard scored for England in this World Cup.
Why put a goalscorer on the bench in the knockout stages, Why not go to 442, give Rooney support in Crouch and ensure England achieve their potential rather than allowing Fat Frank as he is now known to continue with his pantomime attempt at football.
The performances of him, John Terry and to a lesser extent Joe Cole show how Jose Mourinho's tactics are based on inflating egos to generate performances rather than focussing on actual ability.
Rooney's red card was a terrible decision but worse was that it was becasue of the protestations of Ronaldo, his United team-mate, who then winked. TV replays also showed Ronaldo winding Rooney up by headbutting him earlier in the game.
I hope Ronaldo hasn't left United before the first day of training because I would love to see pictures in the paper of Rooney putting his boxing training to good use and leathering the prancing little shit.
Again it brings up my point previously on loyalty. It may not be for much longer but these guys are team-mates and you don't fuck a team-mate like a bitch.
The World Cup as a spectacle is now over. We are left with Italy - negative defensive diving cheats who will probably try to buy the officials before the semis, Portugal - who have no honour, France - full of arrogance and more cheating thanks surprisingly to Thierry Henry, a player I admired before this tournament and Germany - who apart from being German and therefore embodying the spirit of Rudi Voeller, Lothar Mattheus and Oliver Bierhoff are all attack and no defence. If they win the World Cupo then that means England should have stuck with Kevin Keegan. He did after all perfect the charging forward headless chicken defence.

What Price Loyalty?

2006-06-30T23:31:00.000Z

Whatever happened to the one-team player? This summer we have begun rebuilding but I worry about the morals of today's footballers in the lower leagues.
First Gareth Roberts left us after embedding himself in our hearts over the years as a consistently good player regardless of what went on around him. When he left he said he was going up a division and we all wished him well. Then he joind Doncaster, a crap team in our division so he has not improved his lot much at all.
Now Paul Linwood, a 22 year old defender who the fans rate highly (most of us more highly than the bag of shite that is Ian Sharps). Brian Little treated him badly by shipping him out to the sheepshaggers (Wrexham) last term but when he came back he helped shore up our leaky defence (Ian Sharps and Michael Jackson - no not that one!)
Now, despite the new gaffer offering him a deal and wanting to keep him and give him a chance, Linny has decided to drop a division to a team with a chronically low support (Chester). I won't even begin to discuss their manager and chairman or I might wake up with a horses head in my bed.
What happened to a good player loving his club and weathering the occasional storm for the good of the cause?

Waiting for a call.....

2006-06-29T23:12:00.000Z

I'm a little out of condition but am on the road to recovery thanks in part to returning to playing football regularly for the last 12 months.
As my fitness has improved the old touch and vision has begun to return and a current goal tally of 9 goals in 9 games has put a nice smile on my face and eased the growing frustration of my teammates who have witnessed decent defensive showings but finishing which has previously made Rob Jones (eight years without a goal for Liverpool) look like the English Football League's greatest goalscorer John Aldridge (474 goals).
If only Sven had my number.....

Mixed onion bag

2006-06-29T21:52:00.000Z

Personally my day has been mixed. I have passed an important works exam which will hopefully allow me to leave my job for something better where I get respect rather than shat on. I won't elaborate too much because you never know where prying eyes will roam.
I am getting the hang of the blogging though and keep learning new shit about it so hopefully I'll continue to get to grips with it with my steam-powered, booze and loud music-addled 25-year-old brain.

"Aldridge is like a pair of shoes in a shop. You look at them over and over again and then you find you have enough money to buy them."

2006-06-29T21:16:00.000Z

Everything's gone a bit weird down at Prenton Park. I may be wrong but I can't remember a time in the last 16 years where we have brought in seven new players in a summer, never mind a week.

We have signed Gavin Ward, John Mullin, Kevin Ellison, Robbie Stockdale, Shane Cansdell-Sherriff and Gareth Taylor and today signed Paul McLaren. We have even paid for some of them! I know Lorraine said we had money but as a lifelong Tranmere fan I am struggling with the concept of bringing players in en-masse.

Most of these players with the exception of goalkeeper Ward and 33-year-old Taylor are young or in their prime. Kevin Ellison cost us a fee and they will all be on decent wages. As Delroy Facey's move to Port Vale reportedly on the rocks over his pay demands (what are we paying him!) I am worried about money issues.

While I am excited about the season, I trust chairman Lorraine Rogers' business acumen and tight fistedness and I understand that this is it and there will be no transfers during the January window I can't help feeling that this is a big gamble on promotion and if we fail again we will be left in a financial black hole.

Having said that I am excited about the new season and the potential for some Johnny King-esque attacking football with a dash of flair plus Jason McAteer has resigned so everything is good.

2006-06-28T20:45:00.000Z

I can't promise anyone success, but I can promise them a trip to the moon

Hi to anyone who has stumbled across my new blog. Some of you may support Tranmere Rovers like me and will have found it through searching for some of Johnny King's fantastic quotes.
Others among you will be mental heavy naval fans who are trying to buy nuclear submarines from shady former Eastern block states. Either way, welcome to you all.
From time to time I will comment here on the Super Whites of Prenton Park, other times I'll talk inanely about other aspects of my life but in the end I'll probably just bitch and moan. All I hope is that I don't write the most boring blog in history, if I can avoid that I'm sorted (and with local councillors running blogs I think I'm safe!)